Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your cock deserves a montage
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My life is pants optional.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
