dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
