I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
