If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
