Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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