A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sext me about skeletons
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
