I heard we made out
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
