Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
