i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
