wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
