oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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