But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
