im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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