I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
