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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
