he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you will always have a special place in my vag
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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