Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
