Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
