this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
