Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
