oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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