It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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