Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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