When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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