I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
