just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
