I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
