Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is Oprah even human
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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