They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
