nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
