I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
