I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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