please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
