So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
