so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
