In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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