Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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