im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
