Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
