Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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