i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
