the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
