sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
