susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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