my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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