saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
