I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
