Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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