he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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