i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
