Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
