My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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