BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
