True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you had me at cake vodka
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
