dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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