True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
