does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
